5-a-days! - WTF?

People actually wear this?

Spacecraft Milbury Mustache Mask

Urban Outfitters

$36

Uhm. What in the? I don't even know when someone would wear this. It's like a cross between a cartoon character and a burglar. How about no. There's probably a reason why this is online-only. And $36? Heck to the no. Oh, but the facial hair is interchangeable. I guess that's a plus...

Deena & Ozzy Faux Fur Hood

Urban Outfitters

$48

This is a little better than the first one, but really, when would you ever wear this? I mean, I like the whole faux fur thing, but even the fur is a nasty color. And the hood kinda makes you look like a lost bigfoot. No idea when this would ever look good with an outfit. Oh, but it looks warm. And $48? You know what I could do with $48? Buy something that doesn't make me look like a mess.

Nylon Spandex Micro-Mesh Long Sleeve Mini Dress

American Apparel
$42

What. The. Fuck.

H81 Chunky Yarn Poncho

Forever 21
$28.90

Ponchos are not cute, nor will they ever be. Ok, I've seen maybe one or two that looked actually decent, but until then, ponchos are a no-go. Especially this one. I mean, unless you're going for the aztec warrior look. Or maybe a little Peruvian camel hurder? In that case, go right ahead.

Cars - Exhausted Pipe

Ginch Gonch
$27

1. If you're a grown man, you should not be wearing tight border-line thong underwear.
2. If you're a grown man, you should not have cartoon designs or bright colors on your tight border-line thong underwear.
3. If you're a straight grown man wearing this, oh, who am I kidding? That's like me going to Catholic school. Some things will just never happen.

I love weird clothes. They make me happy.

xxx johnny.